speed.

It is amazing how heartache focuses the mind, to work the dead mule to do a final sprint. I cleared my research in 30 minutes. Unprecedented efficiency, with praises never expected. I did the work of hours in less than half - what am I to do now? I miss her so much, yet my mind remains clear. It would seem being in love and work efficiency can co-exist after all. Except that I'm not in love, just lovelorn.
It explores the concept however, and gives new insight: I now understand how successful an busy individuals in my field can still have loving families. They take on the work, and clear it with their families in mind. To take on more to provide for them, and to clear them quick and well so he may see them. There is no compromise, and the two spheres actually synergise into a super efficient person.
After receiving this insight, I realise this is what I had been striving to be all this while. My taking on so many concurrent projects was due to an innate need to prove and provide. And I realise I can. Too late. Thereis no one left for me to do all these for.
I can only synergise grief and loss into this machinery of efficiency. Perhaps I can squeeze on 2 hrs of shooting today....after clearing my 2 other projects and my part time research on IP for the Academy. I write all these with a bitter half-smile. If only I had seen this earlier. She had probably synergized, but I had not seen it. I am a fool, all is too late.