wistfulness.

Today, 3 instances dug out fresh wounds in me.
I bleed. Blood which I thought would no longer flow, still readily flow when I dug at the right spots.
I put on a ready smile, force on an air of nonchalance and affability and shrugged it off.
A poor fascade it must have been, cos I see the pity in their eyes. I do not need pity. I only needed advice, needed assistance. When all is done and there are no more options, there is no need for pity.
I loathe my slowness, I loathe my weakness. Do I seem so pitiful? Why, when my wounds have started to heal, did they dig out fresh holes? Why, when prayers were working, did it all come tumbling again?
Father, help me. Lift me up, set me free. I have learnt to love, I know truly the pain of loss. Pls let me stop. I cannot take it any more.