habit.

You cannot force an old dog to learn new tricks. It has only been a few months, but I had already become an old dog. I wake to check the phone, think about her all the time. Not very healthy, even if the relationship was ok, much less now. It is too late now I guess, for this dog has to relearn or lest turning mad. I had agreed to stay away... a tough agreement.

Competition starts in 2 hours. I feel this cold sliver of fear sliding down my gut. It has been a while since I competed, and given my mental state now, where would I stand? I had threw my mental training away, my mind weakened by emotions. Away, stray thoughts! Focus! Shoot despite of wounds, shoot despite injuries! Concentration maximus!
God bless me. I had hoped for a word of encouragement from her, but I hoped too much. An agreement is an agreement.