bloodloss.
How I wish the flowers were sent by me. How I would have lapped up the thanks. Heart felt thanks I never had when we were together. We communicated more than we ever did. How ironic it is that it had to be after we r together no more. This was all I wanted. I dun need to see her every week. I dun need for her to please me. I just need affirmation. Now I finally got my affirmation. Affirmed that she is no longer mine.
Saddened beyond measure that the only reason why she read my blog was in the hope of updates about blob. Saddened beyond measure that it has ended and yet I feel my heart still missing. I only feel the blood loss, but not the heart.
It is as if someone punctured a hole, and my heart does not know... continues to pump out lifeblood o be split out. Such great pain, as never before felt. why does it feel like I am being churned and pulled thru a rack? Why was there never love between us, only charity?
Everything was ok when it was God-centric - it all fell apart when I drifted from Him. Punishment? I prayed to be taught love, not pain! Tried to love she who would not love me. Tried so hard. To no avail. No hate now, because there was never love. She stole my heart, but I never really took hers away. It was never really offered at all.
Perhaps I know how she feels now, cos that is how I used to feel. Amused, vaguedly sad, but largely bemusement. Wondering why there are cries of pain when it is but an ending of an arrangement. I used to muse how it is that I never seemed to tear, never seemed to feel pain. That love happened to fools, for I always kept my heart with me. Logic and reason were my guardians. Now I eat my words, cos I am the one screaming in anguish. Retribution.
The angel slew my guardians, tore out my hidden heart, and left me bleeding. And now she flies away, with my torn out heart. Leaving me nothing, nothing but a gaping hole. Coins of sympathy and charity could never fill the hole left by the departed heart. Heart o heart, where are you? Blotched with poison, shredded from pain, I wonder if I would ever recognise you.
Heartless I become. Heartless as I was. There shall be safety in numbers once more.
To think my true fears were doubted as sympathy's noose. To think I trusted with truth, and all I got was jaunts. Never again will I trust, never again will I love as true. My heart gone; logic and reason slain.
I am nothing left. God save me.
Saddened beyond measure that the only reason why she read my blog was in the hope of updates about blob. Saddened beyond measure that it has ended and yet I feel my heart still missing. I only feel the blood loss, but not the heart.
It is as if someone punctured a hole, and my heart does not know... continues to pump out lifeblood o be split out. Such great pain, as never before felt. why does it feel like I am being churned and pulled thru a rack? Why was there never love between us, only charity?
Everything was ok when it was God-centric - it all fell apart when I drifted from Him. Punishment? I prayed to be taught love, not pain! Tried to love she who would not love me. Tried so hard. To no avail. No hate now, because there was never love. She stole my heart, but I never really took hers away. It was never really offered at all.
Perhaps I know how she feels now, cos that is how I used to feel. Amused, vaguedly sad, but largely bemusement. Wondering why there are cries of pain when it is but an ending of an arrangement. I used to muse how it is that I never seemed to tear, never seemed to feel pain. That love happened to fools, for I always kept my heart with me. Logic and reason were my guardians. Now I eat my words, cos I am the one screaming in anguish. Retribution.
The angel slew my guardians, tore out my hidden heart, and left me bleeding. And now she flies away, with my torn out heart. Leaving me nothing, nothing but a gaping hole. Coins of sympathy and charity could never fill the hole left by the departed heart. Heart o heart, where are you? Blotched with poison, shredded from pain, I wonder if I would ever recognise you.
Heartless I become. Heartless as I was. There shall be safety in numbers once more.
To think my true fears were doubted as sympathy's noose. To think I trusted with truth, and all I got was jaunts. Never again will I trust, never again will I love as true. My heart gone; logic and reason slain.
I am nothing left. God save me.
posted by Zachary Shim | 2:56 pm
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