answers.

Answers I asked for , and answered I am, indeed. He does not leave me wanting, He does not lay me away to waste. For weeks I had been in turmoil, internal tensions wrecking havoc in my mind. for days I know not joy, and what ever brought joy to me was laid waste in desolation. Now I know why it is that I suffered; now i see the truth of the exercise. if I had not ached, I would have persisted in my decline. If I had not felt the wrongness, I would have continued to my own detriment. I had seeked wisdom and salvation from all the wrong places. I placed my hopes and desires on all the transcient. So unhappy, unsatisfied, unloved I felt, because I was looking at all the right places...
How can you ask for the ocean to fill your cup? When the salt in it will dry your lungs? How can you make wine from the grapes direct? Its sweetness is yet unfermented, juice it remains and not wine. I had looked and yearned for things that I could not have gotten, yet He had kindly laid the path for me. I did not deserve any, for I had asked and looked wrongly, yet He pulled me apart to show me the way.
I rejoice, for I am found again. I had cried out to him, many a times, and many a times he answered. I was stubborn, foolish and forgetful - forgot each and every time that He spoke. Today, he spoke twice to me. Once, through my angel, whom I thought was lost. Twice through words, which I had lost in sloth. I rejoice, for in them I foun solace now. i rejoice, for now i know I am blest. In Him I will find myself again, the I that never was, the I that will come to be. My guilt, shame, pride and anger all melt away in the light of His wisdom. More of Him and less of me. Through Him all is light and good. I am so relieved.
Answers. The asking neverly took all that I had - made every sweet thing in my life turn sour. yet the answering... made me see all I had... and show me for what a fool I was. Answered.