the greatest whinery this side of cyberia

Dammit, I forgot about the op spot and I scratched with gusto. All the cauterised flakes of flesh caked off, exposing my raw scald to the bacterious air. Truly, a hole in the head, on the inside and out! What a klutz I am!

When they said life is transient and fleeting, never truly believed, for - there is just so much to do in life, so how can it ever be fleeting? But as the sleepless aftermath of marine cleared, as the realities of IT, Conflicts and IP continued their stirs in my path, I had to admit - it all passes, and rarely leaves a mark. So what if I use barratry jokes and IP jargon? It will never go beyond that - unless I start buying yachts and file patents. Life at this period is indeed highly volatile, transient, and somewhat transparent. everything is moving so fast, it is crazy! Everything is changing (Keane), and I get the feeling that I still haven't found what I'm looking for (U2)... but hey, I came to a realisation: Sometimes you can't make it, on your own(u2 again)... Cheesy, corny, yes. But very true. So I shall wait for the rain to come again. For His drops to nourish my parchedness and barrenness. Why charter your own path when there is one already made? I shall just wait,...

It is with utmost good faith, that I stayed up till the wee hours, to remedy wrong dones by others. It is with utmost good faith, that I listened, consoled and offered solace of sorts. It is with utmost good faith that I took the objective rational stand and spoke against the one I am to help. All done in Good Faith. It is with utmost good faith that I toil, trawl and trudge through my notes in preparation of the dreaded MI. It is with utmost good faith that I discussed, debated, and despaired with my delightful study companion. After this, I can say: I have tried my utmost. It was with good faith, that I had conducted myself in the past and yet at the end of it was avoidance. In the language of warranties - ab initio. So it was intended, and so it shall be. Void ab initio, for perceived want of utmost good faith. Had I not given full disclosure? Had I not discharged my burdens of proof? Had I not covered all perils with due notice within reasonable time? Why the avoidance? And to ha...

Perhaps it is the weather. Perhaps it is the waking up at 8am expecting dried clothes, only to find them soaked in condensation. Perhaps its the frigid cold of the library. Perhaps its the built up stress of marine looming in the background. Perhaps it is the need to train that nags endlessly. Perhaps it is the term break that I am denied. I feel I walk alone today. So alone. The irony: to be amidst people you know, yet feel more alone than being by yourself. To meet familar faces, yet avert glances because you are weary of small talk. To be surrounded by events you are not privy to, to be there, and yet not. I feel so alone today. I feel I drifted thru the halls as a ghost would - there yet not really there. As if I tread a parallel universe; as if I am cloaked in invisibility. Alone in a crowd. Somehow, when I took my tea REALLY alone, I actually felt more comforted. As that warm liquid filled me from within, as I looked at the greenery, I felt alive. Yet, that moment would not la...

I hate being home. Home makes me go soft, makes me lose my goals and targets. Home makes me go all placid and languid, makes me waste time that I could ill afford. At the end of the day, what is home? Where did that concept of home spring from? Should I even subscribe to it? Home is where I belong. Issue now is, where do I truly belong? I dun feel charged by rest, but burdened. I feel harassed at home. Is this what home should feel like? I hope not! Went for a run, but had to stop cos the food was undigested and caused hell in my tummy. Why? Cos I ate too late. And after dinner fruits were forced upon. The interrupted run kinda tops out the ineffectualness of homestay. I wanna get back. So much to do, so little time. Cannot waste more time on homecomings. Had a talk with sis on the issue, and I realised one thing - I am living in a desert. Emotional, spiritual and intellectual. I need rain! To come before I die of thirst. I can feel the cracking of the top soil now... little things mak...

I had always known law guys to be a breed of their own, a sui generis? More logical and collheaded, to the point of inhuman precision? I had always thought we are merely more attuned to arguments and objective reasoning. Turns out I am SO wrong. If I had not been secretly told, I would still be oblivious to the storm around me. All because of some bag. I am SO disgusted. Aren't guys supposed to be magnanimous and accomodating? Aren't they supposed to be NOT petty and bogged with trivialities? I am sickened. Now, with the secret disclosure, I look upon his face with a new light - repungnance. Thank goodness I am not in the same firm as he! Snake! Petty Snake! So much times, our paths could have passed. Yet none had it ever happened. We shared the same conductor, the same alumni, the same circle and even mutual frens. And it all started cos of a simple comment by me. It is like 2 parallel worlds that had co-existed and separated by a thin wall, which is now broken apart by that...

Just watched a korean serial. Gosh, why are Korean gals so hot? Yes, all surgically enhanced, but still, you need to have a good canvass for the cosmetic maestros to work on first right? Time to pick up Korean... And pay attention during IT class for tech laws that might involve koreans. Sigh... Non sequiter: Signs that I am adapting to my Apple - when I find my desktop PC a pain to use, and I keep trying to close my program by clicking FILE. And of course, expecting my windows to be displayed la Expose. I love my Apple. I knew her name for so long, yet had never caught her attention. It was pure chance that she was around, and pure luck we conversed. Yet chance made a mark on my mind that sleep and fatigue did nothing to erase. Silently watching, looking from afar, I feel the hook sinking beneath my flesh, latching on... I am quite glad it was not meant to be. Indeed, if we were I would be howling in furstration now. It is funny, how I seem to live life backwards, only knowing my ...

EIC was great. Awesome. Heh, they sang everything I had on my play list. Yes, jack was cute, but hey, I think ray rocks more. And my loyalties lie with Eug eh? U2 rocks! TGIF! Woohoooo! jolly gd time man! Wala's rocks! A pity LS was tired, else the night would ebd off nicely with a nice supper. Oh well. Beery goodness it was, for future references it will be. Next stop: Blooie's and Malone's! Love German brews! Hahaha... So many law folks there, and a bunch of Rj PE teachers... its almost like reunion. Almost. Gone are law 4 woes... like ashes in the wind. Ire of the producers plague me no more, the demands of the directors a distant memories. Roses and hellos? How about decompose and good riddance? I am SO washed out by the stupid choc sales. I so hate chocs now. Bleah. Cant imagine stomaching another square of Ritters. Yucks. Had a convo with Jess about Materialism. It is true, we are become what we will be. So hawker food has lost its lustre and designer ware becomes de ...

I feel SO pissed. I feel like bashing them, stamping on them, and wishing time will turn. Why am I wasting precious neurons on anger now? Why have I wasted precious time on useless activities now? Why have I even bothered being helped now? Why have I even considered helping, now? I feel like just leaving eveything to rot, to see how they do without me. Probably not much. But abandoning at the lasrt final moment, I can cause some damage. Issue is, should I? Probably not. They have not pissed me off enough that I should abandon old frenship for vengence. Perhaps not. There are still people who truly worked hard and believe in the objects of the issue. Sigh. For these I toil. For these I swallow the angst and resume. I hate my logic. Tried Hanabi today, and with Jinx. It was nice catching up. The good old days of snappy lunches at "lau ren yuan" is now replaced by posh reservations only japanese fare. The food was of good quality, but nothing to scream about. But for the price I...

My sis cried cos of stress today. She wanted rapture to come so she dun have to take exams. How droll. I wonder if I would welcome rapture. I had answered yes, but that was a while ago. Back then, blamelessness was expected. Do I still look forward to the rapture, the Return? Or do I still hold back, for fear of worldly ties? I do not know. I will never know. Perhaps it was escapism that gave me an answer. Perhaps. I wonder why am I not feeling stressed. Everyone around me seems to be afired with things to do, deadlines etc. I am ever so slack. I wonder why. Perhaps it will be too late if I finally find the answer? Perhaps. I reread my previous blog. It sounded stupid. Perhaps it is. I wrote it while waiting for my computer to be serviced. Idle waiting caused idle words to rise from within. Heart felt ones? Perhaps.

It is funny, how when I was so so so so so bored last night in my little cubby room, I had not thot of blogging. And guess what? I am still bored. Hah. This, I feel, is an omen. I told that I always have vibes before the happening of things. Now, what I have felt is perhaps the stirring of the avalanche that is to be. Events that will come, sweep me away, and consume my life is a barrage of mind sapping, soul draining, body breaking activities. I brace myself in the ways I know - to chill and have as much fun as I can, so when the troubler comes I can say to myself that I had enjoyed, and now should work without complaints. I am therefore vexed that I had been unable to carry out my plans, that every moment delayed is every iota of fun cheated. Perplexing logic? I never claim to be wise. Bleah. This inner debit is slowly building up a force that threatens to explode. I need an outlet, a release.

I just got back from the camp. Mixed feelings...it was a time of shock, of rediscovery, of disorientation and familiarity. Of tortured duties and exciting games. I discovered that I am quite a bad communicator. I speak, yet my ideas never translate itself. I was staring at 5 blank faces most of the time. Very demoralizing. I do not have the patience too - failure to comprehend aftre an attempt or two would have me mentally striking the person off the "to talk to" list. This is sad. I was in a group of ZERO. I discovered that I had the rahrah skills of a rock. It will be a chilly sunless day again if I were to accept a TL role with a glad heart. I also do not empathise with disinterested students. If they need help, I would give an arm and leg to help; if they don't wanna listen, I can wait to use my arms and legs on them. Bleah. The frustration. Agonizing. I realise I do love the needy, but I have very low tolerance for the ungrateful or the playful... bleah. Being thru...

I. I am bone weary, from the cleaning and rushing that happened today. Work with only 4 hours of sleep, and rushed hither thither hence to run errands and prep for room cleaning. It was hectic, hellish, and horrid. But it was fun. Feel pretty accomplished, turning smelly misbegotten lair into clean pristine haven for the unsocially inclined. It even smells nice. I am a genius. Too bad, could not rush in time to buy shoes. My runners will have to last yet another week. Bad, I hate it already. Gosh, how I chase after all things new. No proper runners means no proper running. I am getting good at this excuse shit ain't I? Hah. Realised the power of music - running is all about the mind (assuming prerequisite fitness and health level fulfils of course), and music really aids you mind in pushing the extra mile. Perchance Ipod will sponsor the marathons? Unlikely. But we dream, no? As I type, I remember the feeling, peering out of my pinkish cell atop the hills. It has a good view, but w...