the greatest whinery this side of cyberia

Dreams. Never would I imagine that I would be plagued by dreams. Unable to get good rest, aching from bad sleep. But given how interesting my dreams are, it is no wonder that sleep comes second. Every dream is so mama drama, so full of theaterics, I should perhaps pen them down.... And I realise I am semi-conscious when I dream... I remember my wry comments, my amusement at my funny dreams, and my schizoprenic personas which somehow co-existed in some happy bipartite entity in dreamland. And I can tweak what I do in the dreams, much like some interactive gameplay. Facinating... to relive, replay the dream at will, to permutate and experiment.... or to just lie at the back of my subconsiousness and enjoy the show. I crave good sleep. But do I really wanna give up the fun? Dreams. It has become so uncertain now, what my true dreams are. Remunerations or aspirations? Passion or prospects? Investments or enjoyments? And the stock mart has been oh-so-quiet I think I might as well quit. Drea...

As I type, I see raindrops forming on my window pane... Rain.... irony in itself. Part of the system that brings forth life, yet fearsome monster of nature if left unchecked... I read the latest Pratchett, a satirical spoof on the DV Code. I'm sure he doesnt mean to evoke such sentiments and and feelings as he wrote that comic nonsense, but as I read my last sentence of it, I cannot help but feel this overwheliming sense of IRONY. A spoof on a spoof of a spoof. A satire on a cynic's view of truth... how... apt. The darkness within, resonanting with the darkness without. The flicker of the inner light, reflecting the shadows that clouds the eyes. In the shadows do we hide from the harsh, uncompromising sun. In the shadows do we rot, as mould and mildew claim our substance. In the darkness do we transact in the deals unseen, profits unclean. In the darkness do we die, as greed and wrath claims our sanity. What are shadows but that which light does not shine on? What is darkness b...

Mind and the body, mind over body? Or is it body over the mind? Which controls which? Is the mind but a voice of the body? Or is the body a mere vessel for the mind? When it comes to the crunch, which one should prevail? Are we still human, without a mind? Are we still man, without a body? The unlikes fused together in a single entity. The dipolar melded into a riddle of contradictions and uncertainty. Heaven and earth combined in a nutshell? Will the lofty breeze of the heavens stirs the loamy earth? Will the sands and stones of the earth withstand the heaven's winds? touche.

The joy of a good deal, of spotting good value, and paying a pittance for that value. The joy of freedom, of having a good run on in the day, unfettered by a work schedule. The joy of accomplishment, of having finished all you set out to do, with the aid of frens. The joy of friendship, to know whom you may count on, in times of distress. Sadness, to know you no longer know what you knew. Sadness, to freeze on the floor, forgeting all steps that you learnt. Sadness, to no longer know those you knew. More joys than sadness. A happy day.

True happiness is in finding back what you thought was gone. True happiness is to know that all is not lost. True happiness is to know He has provided. True happiness is to know all is in control. True happiness is like fresh air after being imprisoned for days. True happiness is in being unshackled from the heavy chains. True happiness is like a good sleep after a sleepless week. True happiness is to see the smile on the face in the mirror. True happiness.

A rollercoaster week just went by. GOSH, SO TIRING. Not only had I been under constant stress (yes, that eye twitch is back), I am plagued by fatigue, sleeplessness and more stress. Health failing, regime dying, aging.Bah. Truly, life at its bottoms! Yet, I have learnt to let go. I have learnt to waive myself of certain self set standards. To laugh at oneself. I see the frens around me, who tries to hear me out, to advise, to counsel. Frens are precious! Realise as one gets older, frens get lesser. More mistrust, conflict in interest, or just more things on everyone's plate such that frenship has just been left at the edge of that overwhelimg plate. This little exercise in humility taught me what I missed. Truly, the upside. Now, I blog cos I feel so lost. The confusion after the storm or the disconcerting silence in the eye of the storm - I dunno yet. Let tomorrow decide for tomorrow. Surrender.