shame.

Out of boredom, I reread my mail to her on monday. and to my horror and shame, it was a horrible creation! Was I so bitter? Why had I sounded so calm and acidic? So utterly unreflective of how I actually felt! Where I would have died for an embrace, I made it seem like a handshake would kill me. Where I had meant "please come back", it came out as "go away"! Had I, in my hurt and pain, wrote a kamikaze mail bomb to her?
What a jerk I am. I had been blinded by pain, and perhaps a little hatred that comes from spurned love.
All that has died down now - all except the pain. Even that is reigned in my prayer and diffusion by distraction. All I do no is wait. And apologise.