at peace.

Feeling at ease with myself, at peace and attuned. I have spent too much time and effort thinking and worrying over what I cannot control. I cannot profess to love when I seek to dictate. I cannot profess to trust when I need evidence. There is no true faith, if I keep bugging Him for signs. All I can do now, is pray.

He will heal me from my open wounds; He will salve me from the pains I went through.
He has guided me from the Valley of Death, He shall lead me to Life everlasting.
What He gives, He gave with wisdom and omniscience.
What He entrusts, He will prosper and nurture.
In Him I trust to bless and prosper me, that whatever given to me will be good.
What ever will be, will be, if I abide in Him.

I miss her horribly, yet I must persist. To love is to release, to give her freedom to choose.
The pain has subsisted in a numbing throb, a scab formed on the bleeding wound.
If she was ever mine, she will return.
If she does not return, then she was never mine to cherish to begin with.
Burningquestion, heart of issue: Was there love? Is there still love? Answers I need.

Had I maligned her intentions, had I misread her acts, it is all the past. I can only ask for forgiveness. When in pain, perception is distorted, and the truth often eludes even the clearest of minds.
Let God decide in this: He who is above all things, above flesh and temptations, shall judge and rule.