drinks.

Looking forward to the dinner meeting. Looking forward to drowning of sorrows amidst frens long lost. Alcohol has its wonderful way of dulling heartache that I had never before seen the need to employ. I have called for 2 drinking sessions this week, and one in the next.

Such turbulent times I am in. Stressed, emotionally wrecked, down and out; a shadow of my once haughty and confident self. Where is the assurance, which I used to draw on? Where is the confidence I exude? My love for life, my vibrancy and exuberance? Where have these qualities all gone to? Sunken beneath my sorrows and tears, these qualities of mine which I held dear.

I still wonder, what had gone wrong. Perhaps I need a de-brief session, to learn from my mistakes. I wonder if she'd grant me that.

I should not grovel, I would not beg, I cling on to dignity, albeit tinged with regret.
Hopes still a spark in me, though it all seems in futility,
I wonder when my heartache will stop.
I wonder if I had truly moved on.