doors.
It seem strange that just a few months back I was relatively clueless about what I wanna do as a lawyer, still toying with the idea of going back to the skies. It is amazing what a few career fairs and talks can do to change your mind, and how internship open up vistas previously unknown. It is also suprising how my failed relationship factored majorly in my decision, and how it gave a final stamp to my career vision. The door and its threshold stands ahead. I took the first step.
I had wanted to do M&A, corporate finance and what not, thinking that it is shopping with other people's money, gathering cash for other's etc. But having spent weeks at the firm, I know for sure that my value as such an area is pretty worthless. A dime a dozen, 30 in the firm alone. Perhaps it would be better if I choose a better specialty, like banking for instance. Laws of demand and supply works, better career options.
Bank... Reminds me of her. I have to give her credit, that she fine tuned my vision for me. Granted, that while I was with her I was affected by her vision as well, aiming more for fast and early gratification rather than long term success, which is my norm. My way and path is slower but more longer term, not in the "here and now" but in the "what will be".
On retrospect, I was painting my future with another's brush, a dangerous thing to do. But in using her brush, I gained insight which I never saw.
I thank her for that immensely, and if I were to prosper in my field a decade down the road, her name I will not forget. Probably a mother of three and homemaking by then, I sure hope her husband would not find fault with an old friend treating her to coffee or some drinks! He can tag along, but pay his own bill! That is assuming is wife is willing of course. If she had not changed much by then, she would probably be a very obliging and compromising wife. Every MCP's dream.
God has been great, showing me doors and closing them to me. He knows that I will not rest, will not be content if I do not know what lies yonder, being the control freak that I am. By opening the door, letting me have a glimpse of whats inside, before closing it shut on me, I am more convicted that the door left open is mine and mine alone. He will prosper me where he places me.
I do not see her name on the list, and for this I feel sorry and regretful. It seemed like I contributed to her fall whereas I profited in all aspect. No man knows about his morrow, but if his will is aligned with His will, then he will know that good days are ahead. Every blessing an unconditional gift, every suffering a lesson for future gifts.
I wonder what is my lesson/ gift for my fortnight's pain. Wisdom? Friendship? Direction? A steer away from future divorce? Fickleness in human nature, both hers and mine? All that I would not know. This entry I will keep as an open answer/pray, and watch for His blessing when it comes.
Dispassionate musings, objective recollecting, "doors closing, please keep clear"...
I had wanted to do M&A, corporate finance and what not, thinking that it is shopping with other people's money, gathering cash for other's etc. But having spent weeks at the firm, I know for sure that my value as such an area is pretty worthless. A dime a dozen, 30 in the firm alone. Perhaps it would be better if I choose a better specialty, like banking for instance. Laws of demand and supply works, better career options.
Bank... Reminds me of her. I have to give her credit, that she fine tuned my vision for me. Granted, that while I was with her I was affected by her vision as well, aiming more for fast and early gratification rather than long term success, which is my norm. My way and path is slower but more longer term, not in the "here and now" but in the "what will be".
On retrospect, I was painting my future with another's brush, a dangerous thing to do. But in using her brush, I gained insight which I never saw.
I thank her for that immensely, and if I were to prosper in my field a decade down the road, her name I will not forget. Probably a mother of three and homemaking by then, I sure hope her husband would not find fault with an old friend treating her to coffee or some drinks! He can tag along, but pay his own bill! That is assuming is wife is willing of course. If she had not changed much by then, she would probably be a very obliging and compromising wife. Every MCP's dream.
God has been great, showing me doors and closing them to me. He knows that I will not rest, will not be content if I do not know what lies yonder, being the control freak that I am. By opening the door, letting me have a glimpse of whats inside, before closing it shut on me, I am more convicted that the door left open is mine and mine alone. He will prosper me where he places me.
I do not see her name on the list, and for this I feel sorry and regretful. It seemed like I contributed to her fall whereas I profited in all aspect. No man knows about his morrow, but if his will is aligned with His will, then he will know that good days are ahead. Every blessing an unconditional gift, every suffering a lesson for future gifts.
I wonder what is my lesson/ gift for my fortnight's pain. Wisdom? Friendship? Direction? A steer away from future divorce? Fickleness in human nature, both hers and mine? All that I would not know. This entry I will keep as an open answer/pray, and watch for His blessing when it comes.
Dispassionate musings, objective recollecting, "doors closing, please keep clear"...
posted by Zachary Shim | 11:59 am
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