lethargy.
I woke late again, and missed the conference once more. It seemed like something is preventing me from going... Oh well, since I am without an agenda this yr, my attendence is somwhat superflous anyway.
I feel my body wasting away... After the adrenaline of pupillage application, the sickness really took away all my steam. I feel like a wasted log, coughing and sneezing away every day. It is day 4 now, and though there seem to be improvement, I am far from total recovery. Every few minutes, I would rush to the loo to expell greenish blobs, every few minutes I would feel my nose leaking again. Only solace is sleep - the medicine made me so weak I can hardly do anything else. I feel like an invalid!
During my musings I have reached a conclusion, that I cvan only let go if I know what is wrong. All that she told me, a new story every week... pls... I dun buy that. Either she is very very confused, and kid herself with new excuses every week, or it is some intricate ploy to cushion my feelings against the tapestry of an insidious workings. I am too weak now to do the mental acrobatics for this kinda thing, yet the blank hours at hand left me pondering all over again.
It is now a stronghold in my life, an area that only He can resolve. I seek His healing, to fill out all the holes and crevices left by the hurt, to make me whole again... I fell asleep last night with these on my lips.
It is a harsh lesson indeed, on love. He has thrown me into a hard school, to show me how all Men are fallible, and how logic would never thrump emotions. It is good I guess - to live my life as a semi automaton guided only my logic is to make a farce out of humanity. Love in its every form does bring uncertainty to life, but it is this uncertainty that makes us His creation. It would have been the logical thing for Him to destroy us all and restart... but love made Him gave His Son. Aren't we glad He created love? Amen.
I feel my body wasting away... After the adrenaline of pupillage application, the sickness really took away all my steam. I feel like a wasted log, coughing and sneezing away every day. It is day 4 now, and though there seem to be improvement, I am far from total recovery. Every few minutes, I would rush to the loo to expell greenish blobs, every few minutes I would feel my nose leaking again. Only solace is sleep - the medicine made me so weak I can hardly do anything else. I feel like an invalid!
During my musings I have reached a conclusion, that I cvan only let go if I know what is wrong. All that she told me, a new story every week... pls... I dun buy that. Either she is very very confused, and kid herself with new excuses every week, or it is some intricate ploy to cushion my feelings against the tapestry of an insidious workings. I am too weak now to do the mental acrobatics for this kinda thing, yet the blank hours at hand left me pondering all over again.
It is now a stronghold in my life, an area that only He can resolve. I seek His healing, to fill out all the holes and crevices left by the hurt, to make me whole again... I fell asleep last night with these on my lips.
It is a harsh lesson indeed, on love. He has thrown me into a hard school, to show me how all Men are fallible, and how logic would never thrump emotions. It is good I guess - to live my life as a semi automaton guided only my logic is to make a farce out of humanity. Love in its every form does bring uncertainty to life, but it is this uncertainty that makes us His creation. It would have been the logical thing for Him to destroy us all and restart... but love made Him gave His Son. Aren't we glad He created love? Amen.
posted by Zachary Shim | 12:38 pm
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