addiction.

I was reading through the bulletin attachent during service... one article caught my eye: addiction. The writer was talking about how addiction is not just reserved for drugs, cigs etc... external substances that may be abused. The writer maintains that, addiction can be formed over something that causes u to be emotionally reliant on. Example was made about those who eat to live, gamble to live - to them, eating and gambling IS life. That is addiction, when the craving for that object supercedes the desire for life without it, that life without that object seems a life less worthed living...

I think I was addicted. I think the addiction ran really deep, and might still active even now. Somehow, life without her never seemed the same... Addiction... unhealthy...
I dunno if u can be addicted to love. With addiction, it become more of an obsession, a preoccupation, rather than true loving. If u love, u will not stifle or grab. If u love, you will nurture, not contain. I own that I tried to nurture, tried to be free, yet I have a sickening feeling that I stifled and contained as well. Perhaps my love all along was tainted by addiction. Black, sordid addiction to a person, and it eclipsed my love at a point.
It is sad, on retrospect, that u can love someone to distraction and drive her away. She blames blob... but I know I am to blame. I feel this aching need to apologise... yet I fear to hear her voice. Fear the stir of addiction once again.