wind chaser.

So opined that ecclesiast..
"and all is meaningless, a chasing after the wind...."

That statement crystalised my doubts, nailed down my worries, and cut to the root of my problem. I had been chasing after the wind for the past few years!
Before one gust dies down, another blows in my ears and got me on the chase again... when will it stop? Till I drop from exhaustion? Or faint from starvation? Or just deadened by frustration?

The sojourn for that perfect note, the quest for that perfect shot, the dream of the perfect church, the search for that spouse - all these are but stirrings of the wind, which I had so foolishly given chase to, wasting time and effort, at expense of what else could had been done with them...
At the end of the day, as I looked back, I see no satisfaction. At the end of the day as I held out what I had accumulated, I see grains of sands that slips through my fingers with the winds. All is vanity, and utterly meaningless.

In pride I had toiled, in vanity I had hoarded;
in foolishness I had preened, by despair I am left stranded.

To all the meaningless vanities that does not satisfy - forsooth, forsake, forget!

CS Lewis concluded that the Devil does not always tempt Man to do bad deeds, but oft to merely deviate Man to good deeds at the expense of his best deeds. I had been thus misled. I had circled the deserts for a decade long, and I die from thirst and starvation.

The homecoming, the return awaits. But will the stranded recognise the rescue beacon? Or would the bewitching night lights distract and confuse him once more? Another decade of wanderings in futile toil and pondering?

So cautioned that ecclesiast..
eat, drink, be merry, and accept His gift to enjoy the the fruits of your toil